Yoga: Integrity through Simplicity

Integrity.

1.firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.

2. an unimpaired condition.

3. the quality or state of being complete or undivided.

source: Merriam-Webster dictionary

About a year and a half ago, I was revising for my final test to become a certified Yoga teacher with YogaWorks. All the trainees had been given two poses to teach to the rest of the class. The poses I had been given were two of the simplest poses in yoga to get into. Supta Padangustasana, reclining hand to big toe pose (lying on back, lift one leg straight up to the sky and hold toe or a strap around the foot in both hands, it's a yummy hamstring stretch and releases lower back) and Apanasana, knees to chest pose (lying on back, draw both knees to chest and rest here, breathing deeply into the stomach area and back, great for the digestive system and back).

As I was doing my run through at home, I observed that the easier the poses, the easier it was for the mind to run away and get distracted in other stuff - "what's for lunch? how long before class is over? what am I going to wear to that party on Friday night?"... Because, the harder the pose, the more there is for the mind to hook onto and focus on - "where is my foot supposed to be? Oooo, must focus on balancing, don't want to fall over...focus, focus, focus..."

As I was planning to teach the poses, I realized that due to their simplicity I didn't need to 'teach' them. What I needed to do was to guide the students into the pose, and the teaching was the intention behind the pose. To find the Integrity of the pose.

"Can you be here and keep your mind focused on your body and breath? Can you keep you find balance between 'do-ing' the pose and 'be-ing' the pose? Can you maintain the quality of your breath and a peaceful mind, while keeping your body working without gripping or stressing? Can you be here now, strongly in the pose, gently relaxed, whilst breathing positivity and love into every cell of your body?"

Practicing yoga for me is a lifestyle, not something reserved for the mat. Going deeper with these questions, I asked myself if I was living with integrity. Was I living my life honestly? Was I living with a quality that I was truly happy with? What was the state of my being? Was I living with strength while being relaxed, loving myself and others, focused and present? Really? The answer to all these questions hit me very clearly. No. Not one bit. The reason why not? I was in a horribly ugly marriage.

Time came for the test. I passed. My teacher said that my Dharma (sanskrit for duty, virtuous path) is teaching and sharing yoga with others.

A month later I told my Ex that I was done. This time forever. The intense realization of needing to live with integrity was one of the final nails in the coffin of my marriage, which had been getting hammered for years. A year later my divorce was final. One of the biggest things keeping me in the marriage was my diagnosis of MS. I was living in fear and believed that I needed to be in a relationship. That's another story for another time.

It was the roughest year of my life. My fairytale dream of marriage had been shattered years ago, but facing it and dealing with was like nothing I'd ever experienced. I take my hat off to all women who have made the decision to get out of bad marriages and go it alone. I left the life my parents dreamed of for me and, that on the outside looked like the American (British) dream: two kids, sports car driving exec husband, big house with water views, rental property, ski trips, foreign vacations.

I'm living in a teeny apartment, my kids share a room, and I can hear the hum of the freeway 24/7. I joke that if you squint your ears you can imagine the noise is the sound of the ocean. I'm figuring out ways to make money so that one day we can move into a house, so my kids can have their own rooms and a garden.

But, I'm happy and I'm free. I'm living with integrity, and I've surrounded myself with others who also live with integrity. Life is too short and too precious not to. And, I know in my heart that I'm teaching my kids to live with integrity, and that is my ultimate vocation as a mother.

One last little thought for today: whether you already practice yoga or if you don't practice, and you doubt your ability to be a 'good' yogi cos you can't wrap yourself into a pretzel or touch your toes, don't go there! I hope that I've shown you that yoga is sooo much more than getting your body into various shapes. In fact, you never ever need to twist into anything to be an incredible yogi. Truly.

More soon.

Namaste.

YOGA POSE: APANASANA, Knees to Chest Pose

Benefits: great for digestion, tummy-aches, constipation, IBS, back problems, calming for the CNS.

Lying on your back, draw both knees into your chest. Wrap your arms around your knees and clasp your hands. Relax your back, shoulders, neck and back of the head onto the ground below.

Relax the muscles on your face. Breathe deeply into your tummy and back. Stay here for between 1-3 minutes. Focus your mind by following your breath coming in from the back of the nose above the top lip and out from the tip of your nose.

Have a beautiful day!

xoxox