I began my week the best possible way. I met one of my best friends for a beautiful hike on the shores of San Francisco Bay. We laughed, talked, shared and made a point to thank the Universe for this incredible place and for guiding our lives here.
After we had hiked for about 45 mins, my right leg started going numb, heavy and dragging. I tried ignoring it, as I have the last several times I've done this hike. But for some reason today, I couldn't just ignore it and pretend. Why? Not sure. Maybe cos I'm done pretending? Done bullshitting myself and those around me that everything is hunky dory all the time. Cos now I'm living my truth. And my truth is that sometimes, I have to stop and rest. So shoot me. My body's not completely perfect, but screw that, it's my body. And if you love me, then deal with it. Or piss off. Sorry if that sounds harsh...
So, my friend and I sat down. I manually lifted my right let onto the bench and the tears began. I cried and cried. And cried some more. I began tumbling into that place of sadness and place of projecting thoughts into the future...what will happen in 5-10-20 years?
My friend sat with me, massaging my leg, allowing me to cry. She held the space for me to release and be sad and be with the realization, that maybe I'm not going to get to hike the Himalayas...damn, not really hike Mt. Tam anymore. She held the space with such love, that I came round to thinking that maybe I will hike the Himalayas, I'll just do it slowly, with lots of breaks to drink in the incredible views. And, maybe us having to go more slowly will bring more peace and beauty to the guide and those with me on that adventure? Maybe that will bring them more joy. What would it be like to slow down and rest every now and then?
When my mind had settled and I'd exhausted my tears, using the table to help me stand, we slowly walked back towards the car. She walked on my right so I could hold onto her when I felt weak. She stopped for a bathroom break and instead of standing around waiting for her, I took the opportunity to rest again. I took the opportunity to be my own teacher.
This is the exercise I practiced:
SEATED FORWARD BEND (calms the Central Nervous System, cools the brain)
Sit on a bench or chair and place the feet hip distance under the hips. Sit tall and lengthen the spine up towards the sky. Breath very deeply down into the bottom of the lungs for three rounds of breath. On the last round, exhale and bending from the hips, fold down over the knees, allow the spine to hang and arms to rest either on the knees or rest on the ground. Stay here for several minutes, really giving the CNS time to regroup and relax.
Thank you Suz for taking care of me. You're an angel.
xoxoxoxo
